Match Box

Things have always been pretty dull in the Ohio Match Factory. Conveyor belts and cardboard boxes aren't the stuff that great love stories are made of... or are they? When an enormous box drops onto four of the factories workers, trapping them until help arrives, four very different people are forced to co-exist. Will Kal, the uptight supervisor (Rhys Ifans) loosen up, and is Connie the fun loving, gum chewing, rollerskating young receptionist (Lisa Kudrow) the lady to do it! And what about shy old Billy (Steve Buscemi), does he have hidden talents, and might harmonica-playing, dog-breeding, horse riding, heroin addict Amy (Kathy Bates) be the one to uncover them? The match has struck the board - and sparks are sure to fly!

'Bates and Buscemi are a match made in heaven!' The Guardian
'The blue touch paper has been lit!' Cineworld
'Burns the candle at both ends!' Roger Ebert

Placebo - The Documentary

Follow the members of Placebo as they take you into the depths of the complex world of alternative medicine. Watch as Brian Molko confronts sordid homeopaths, crooked aroma-therapists and, in one particularly intense scene, brawls with an acupuncturist. The band that created Meds delves with surprising insight into the psychological impact of drugs with little or no medicinal quality and smash some popular misconceptions in the process. A rock-med-documentary that looks sets to define a whole new genre in film-making!

'A documentary for every you and every me!' Time Out

'Running up that hill - to Oscar city!' Total Film

An Open Letter to Sir Alan Sugar

Dear Sir Alan,

I am currently in the early stages of writing a screenplay based on your life and I am wondering whether the idea is one which is worth pursuing? Your rise to success through the business world is a story which combines all the key elements of a great biopic with an unlikely start, the determination to fight through adversity and setbacks and the ultimate success you have achieved.

‘Sugar! The Story of Alan Sugar’ is the working title I have so far. The cinema world has been saturated with biopic’s in recent years and thus the need to take a new angle and a new approach is key to breathing life into the genre. As such, I have taken inspiration from Todd Hayne’s terrific and critically acclaimed film about Bob Dylan, ‘I’m Not There’. This used a number of different actors to play the lead at different periods of his life.

To this end, Dev Patel of ‘Slumdog Millionaire’ fame could fit the bill of the young Sir Alan whilst Danny Dyer would be an excellent figure to play the role through the teenage years. In middle age, an American actor, perhaps in the mould of Bill Pullman, could result in an interesting twist on the Amstrad years, perhaps moving the action to a small American town and focussing on a fictional company with a similar name, Lamastrad for instance. Finally, and taking on from Cate Blanchett’s surprising and excellent portrayal of Dylan, a surrealist edge could be added to the final stages of ‘Sugar!’ by casting Barbara Windsor as yourself.


I appreciate the idea is different however I believe the project is one which could artfully present the subtleties and nuances of a complex business life. I look forward to hearing from you and shall continue to develop the project on the page for now.

Many thanks,
Joseph Black

Going Dutch: Starring Val Kilmer

Hold Me Closer Tony Danza

The surprising tale of how Elton John's clandestine relationship with Taxi star Tony Danza provided the inspiration for one of his biggest hits. It might not be clear from the lyrics, but between every line and behind every chord hides the unspoken pain of an affair that was bound to fail. Elton (Robin Williams) and Danza (Scott Baio) hide their love from the world and skip around the North West, beset by doubts. The conclusion is a heartbreaking split that will change both their lives forever - and give us a song that will last for decades!

'Stunning - Baio is Bombastic!' The Guardian
'On a yellow brick road to success!' The Times
'Holds a Candle to any film!' The Post

One Arm Hill

The story of Adam Hill (Rob Pattison), an ordinary kid who overcomes extraordinary limitations. Despite having so many problems and always wearing short sleeves shirts over long sleeve shirts over short sleeve shirts, Hill wields his dunk arm and, with the help of crotchety Coach Wikowski (Ed Harris), becomes the star of the high school basketball team. Will the pressures of his wayward mother (Drew Barrymore) and her dealer (Seth Rogen) tell – or might this just be the best damn season The Gators have ever had!

'Uplifting, wonderful, politically correct!' The Times
'Give that boy A Pat(tison) on the back!' LA Times
'High school basketball has never been this anxy!' Bill Pullman

Not Mark Yet

Mark Wahlberg, playing himself, plays a broken hearted actor wallowing in a midlife crisis. His relationship with singer Brandi (Jessica Alba) is mutually decadent and they bring out the worst in each other as they spiral into drunken stupors with old friend Alf (Tom Waits). Mark decides to clean up and make a fresh break – but his bid for self discovery takes a surprising turn when a mysterious French visitor (Adam Goldberg) teaches him some surprising home truths. With a new outlook at the possibility of new love, in Jess (Gwyenth Paltrow), things are looking up. He’s not Mark yet, but he’s getting there.

'Dylan? Wahlberg? YES!' The Sun
'The freewheeling Mark Wahlberg!' Total Film
'Like I'm Not There, but more obvious.' Empire

Michael Jack's Son

In this chilling modern re-telling of Franz Kafka's Metamorphosis Michael Jack (Jason Bateman) must come to terms with the mysterious changes in his son Ray (Jaden Smith). It could just be the effects of puberty - but why did Ray's voice break higher rather than lower? What's happening to his skin and hair? And why oh why has he started walking backwards?!? What will Ray see when he finally looks at the man in the mirror?

'I didn't see that ending coming!' The Independent
'A real Thriller!' The Guardian
'So Bad it's amazing!' Mark Kermode

Double or Nothing

Ryan Double (Steve Carrell) is happy with his life and his girlfriend Lisa (Alicia Silverstone). Happy, that is, until he meets Sly Mick (Bob Hoskins) who gives him a deranged ultimatum - he will kill Lisa unless Ryan can double her weight. How will Ryan cope, and might surprising help come from pizza delivery guy Tom (Mackenzie Crook) and his good natured boss (Steve Buscemi)...

'Double trouble, double mayhem - nothing but laughs!' Independent'I was doubled over with bemused satisfaction!' The Telegraph
'Make mine a double!' Daily Express

Friend or De-foe?

Throughout a long and illustrious career, Willem Defoe has shouldered the burden of a public image which seems to place him beyond the pale of normality and into the darkened realms of drug-fuelled satanism. Such perceptions had previously appeared to force Defoe further into his self-styled "fortress of solitude", but this all stopped last July when Defoe (and his friend Benny) decided to mount a national publicity campaign to finally destroy the public's downright ugly perception of him. Join Defoe (and his friend Benny) as he slithers across the North-East states in a desperate attempt to wipe the disgusting slate clean. Will the public finally be willing to accept this weird looking monster-man as a friend, and not de-foe?

"I laughed, I cried, I threw up a little" The Daily Star

"As touching as it all was, he still scares the living shit out of me" The Daily Mirror

"Defoe (and his friend Benny) has revealed once and for all, that it's what's inside that counts" The Daily Express

Dance Like You Mean It

Two-and-a-half hours of the electric Jeff Goldblum, dancing like he means it...

"A spectacular waste of time" The Onion

"Enjoyable for one reason, and one reason only... Jeff Goldblum sure knows how to dance" Rolling Stone

"Question: Was that Seth Rogen in the matador costume at 34:52?" imdb.com user

The Beefeater

Ever wondered what would happen if Chuck Norris tried to go vegan? Well wonder no more - "The Beefeater" finds the 70-year-old (but still tough as fuck) Norris as a retired actor living with his on-off girlfriend (Shelly Duvall, in a shock return to acting) in a cosy Santa Monica suburb. After eating 5lbs of texas-style ribs at the local bbq shack, Norris suffers a case of acute meat poisoning, prompting a life or death challenge from his girlfriend to kick the habit before he kicks the bucket. Mellowing ever-so-slightly in his old age, Norris obliges, but it's not long before his carnivorous inner-beast kicks in and takes control. Watch Norris trample across Southern California in a blur of fists and hate, lost in a brutal willingness to destroy anything standing between him and his next steak...

"Basically like 'The Shining', but with a scarier guy and 100% more meat" The Guardian

"The tension when the butcher tells him he's out of steak is unbearable... it's like, you know the guys totally gonna get it right in the face, and then he totally does, but the seven seconds in between still feel like an absolute killer in suspense terms" The Daily Telegraph

"A stern warning to all the vegans out there" Time Magazine

Dark Side of the Money

Music journalist Bill (Eddie Marsan) finds more than he bargained for when researching a piece on Pink Floyd. Surely every economic crisis of the last forty years can't have been their doing - simply so that 'Money' would keep selling as background music for news reports and documentaries? His attempts to meet with the slippery Roger Waters (Rys Ifans) lead him spiralling into danger - and only illusive sound engineer Ricky Whittle (Michael Caine) can show him how deep the rabbit hole goes...

'Another brick in the cinematic wall!' Time Out
'It's Roger-Watergate!' Roger Ebert

In Cold Trousers

Philip Seymour Hoffman (the big strawberry blonde fellow from Patch Adams) reprises his role as Truman Capote in this insightful look into the man behind the legend. Was devious laundry-woman Rita Haye (Rosario Dawson) responsible for his sour disposition? In this gritty portrait of life at chez Hoffman the inner workings of Capote's life are explored through the eyes of inquisitive mailman Ray (Steve Carell). It's hard to be a genius when your In Cold Trousers.

'A confusing triumph' Empire
'Like the Sound of Music directed by Fellini!'Total Film
'Real life, real insight, really cold trousers!' Bill Pullman

Too Many Cooks

Jim and Rachel Cook (Steve Martin and Anjelica Huston) have seven...TEEN children! Imagine the wacky adventures they have when they try to take Dakota Fanning plus sixteen unknowns anywhere in their quaint little town. Needless to say, local police chief Dwayne "The Rock" Johnson is going to have his hands full!

"Ready, Steady, Cook!" The Sun

"Suspiciously similar to Martin's previous attempts at kid-related comedy" Cosmo Landesman

"Younger viewers will be entertained by the bright colours" Entertainment Weekly

The Posiedon Adventure 3 - Beyond the Beyond!

The ambitious HMS Australia, an upside down ship, is making its maiden voyage from London to New York. Disaster strikes as a storm causes a tidal wave to turn the ship over, making it the right way up (upside down for it). A small band of survivors (Dylan Moran, Simon Pegg, Anne Hathaway, Gwyneth Paltrow) embark on an daring attempt to escape - up (down) to the top (bottom) of the ship. Can they escape to the surface or will a mysterious survivor with a wooden leg and an agenda (Will Arnett) get in the way? It's the nu-wave of disaster movies!

"Flip your perspective!" Daily Mail
"Tides Turning!" The Express
"The Nu-Wave of Disaster Movies!" Mark Kermode

Smith & Weston

In Frontier City, Billy ‘The Gator’ Smith (Kevin Smith) and Ricky ‘Blue Eyes’ Weston (Adam West) are the oldest gunslingers in town – ridiculed and mocked by young bucks Ray (John Leguizamo) and The Bull (Paul Rudd). When an unexpected bout of lyme disease puts all the young slingers on the side-lines it’s left to Blue Eyes and The Gator to protect the town from evil oil baron Bill Calhoun (Billy Dee Williams). Can the partners put their old rivalry over Screamin’ Jean (Karen Allen) to one side for just one week – and can they show the town that there’s life in these old dogs yet!

“The good, the bad, the ugly – and Billy Dee Williams!” The New Yorker

“It’s anything but quiet on the Western front!” Roger Ebert

The Bana-lity of Evil

Eric Bana (himself), star of such movies as "Star Trek" and "The Time Traveller's Wife", watches his life unravel in an instant when he awakens to find a dead body in the bathtub of his luxury Manhatten apartment. What ensues is 73 minutes of knife-edge suspense as Bana's frantic reactions unfold in real time. After a series of shocking discoveries (spoiler alert: the body is actually Bana... existential!), this fly-on-the-wall thriller culminates in the arrival of no-nonsense detective Grit Lennox (Harvey Keitel) who mistakenly knocks on Bana's door to investigate an entirely unrelated disturbance. Can one of this generations finest actors perform when it counts to throw Lennox off the scent? You won't believe what happens!

"Haha, I bet Eric wishes he really could travel back in time now!" Charlie Sheen

"You have to see it to believe it... I've seen it and I still can't believe it!" New York Times

"Apart from Bana, a cracker of a movie" Empire

What the Funk?

G (Martin Lawrence) is an aging funskter. Once a backing singer for Parliament, G has now resigned himself to all the tedium of a career in corporate insurance, trading in his once infamous afro for his now trusty file-o-fax. Enter Marcus (Albert Finney), G's seemingly stuffy new client. Over the course of three funk-tastic hours, Marcus reacquaints G with the mysterious ways of the funk. Trawling through the infamous Detroit funk scene, G begins to rediscover the part of him that he thought was long gone... but why has Marcus taken such a special interest in him? It's not long before G finds himself wondering if this eccentric old stranger might just be too good to be true... what the funk is going on?

"Funk-tastic" The Mirror

"Funk-tastic" The Daily Star

"Funk-tastic" Jonathan Ross

Tearful Application

After the tragic death of her husband (Billy Crystal), Gemma (Debra Messing) decides to turn her life around and apply to do that Chemistry degree of her dreams, a dream quashed by her husband's views on female education some 10 years hence. But the path isn't quite as smooth as Gemma would like and the main obstacle lies in tough application officer Mike (Tommy Lee Jones) who takes an immediate disliking to her. Help comes in the strangest of places though and a meeting with a haphazard state trooper (Kevin Costner) may change Gemma's life forever and grant her that tearful application.....

"Application accepted!" New York Post

"Crystal is magnificent (if absent)!" San Diego Chronicle

"I laughed, I cried, I had to imdb Kevin Costner!" Rick Brown, LA Post

The Mayor of Fundon

It's the London mayoral election and the public are more than a little underwhelmed by the stuffy canditates for Labour(Michael Gambon) and the Conservatives (Sir Ian McKellan). When opportune media mogul Jake (Alan Rickman) decides to put up a new canditate, popular clown Mickey Fun (Robin Williams), things really begin to hot up! Can Jake keep Mickey in line and keep his messy divorce with Susan (Jennifer Hudson) secret and can he keep his sordid past away from the tabloids? One thing's for sure, it's a manifesto for fun, fun, and Fun!

"Richard Curtis? Richard Schmurtis!" Daily Record

"A huge swing towards Fun!" Observer

"Mrs Doubtfire Goes to Washington!" Film 2010

Jack of All Trades

Jack (Adam Sandler) is 38 years old and has never had a steady job. He's been everything from a night watchman in a small shoe factory (owned by Dan Aykroyd) to a trainee sushi chef. Lisa Kudrow plays Deborah, a professional palm reader with a heart of gold. After a chance encounter, she promises to help Jack find a job that will finally make him happy, but he soon realises that maybe she was what he was looking for all along...

"If you don't like it, you obviously don't know JACK about movies!" Hollywood Reporter

"A big boost for Kudrow. She hasn't made a good movie since..." The Sunday Times

"...it's the first time I've seen Dan Aykroyd with a beard too, so that's a plus" Roger Ebert

"Punch-drunk fun!" Heat Magazine

Curiosity Killed The Cat

In the murky depths of the 1930's underground jazz scene, saxophonist Marvin "the cat" Welshaw (David Jason) has just been murdered. Struck down in his prime, it's up to straight-laced detective Mickey Finnigan (Stephen Tomkinson) to crack the case along with his trusty sidekick, Gimpy Moe (Chris Barrie). Things get a little rough when the two realise that the cat was actually caught up in an elaborate criminal scheme instigated by a sadistic mob boss (Ross Kemp). Will they crack the case, or will curiosity kill these cats too?

"David Jason goes from Hogfather to Godfather in one swift move - fantastic!" The Sun

"Chris Barrie isn't very good, but it's all a bit of fun" The Guardian

"Beautifully edited" Empire

"The scene with the poison apricots is beyond inspired!" News of the World